So this is...

... what Tuesday feels like. Can't say I'm thrilled. Can't say I'm totally disappointed. Get back with me later in the day and I can probably make a better decision.

For now, I'm thinking about the lovely (note sarcasm) drive to work and I hear it is raining. All the freaks will be out this morning. I actually enjoy the rain. I love when it storms, the dark sky, thunder and lightning, and heavy downpour. I don't even mind getting wet as long as I don't have anywhere specific to be. Sitting at work all day soaking wet is not the best feeling in life. But, hey, I can roll with the punches if I have to.

On another note, I purchased some new foundation yesterday. I will see how it holds up and I'll write a raving review about it. I am also looking for that perfect "signature" lipstick. I realized I have about 20 different lip glosses, 10 different lipsticks and a handful of other lip implements. I can't say I love any one of them. Suggestions will be taken in the in box.

We have been given work t-shirts to wear. They sport the company name on the front and back and to be quite honest, they are awful. They're big and boxy and manly and I do not like the feel of them. Today I'm going to be a rebel and wear whatever I want to wear. Something feminine and girly. Well, at least something not so ugly. Makes me shiver thinking about them.

I did not sleep great last night. It seems like I woke up every hour thinking it was time to get up. All things considered, I feel pretty rested. I'm still waiting for my chance to be the domestic goddess, though. I will not even pretend. I was made to stay home and clean and cook and do laundry and bend over toilets and bath rubs scrubbing and dinner on the table.... you get the idea.

It is time. I guess I have to put my clothes on. I'm not sure how people would take it seeing me drive naked to work. Oh, what a giggle that creates imagining all my customers coming to my window and seeing me naked. Interesting day.

Unsettled

I feel like a new chapter is going to be starting sometime soon. My life seems to be at a crossroads and I have to decide which path to take. Unfortunately I do not see a light on either path. It's a guessing game, a toss of a coin, a magic eight ball decision.

Lately I have been feeling unsettled. I can't say I'm gloom and doom, but I do have to wonder if I'm going through some kind of depression. It isn't like I'm miserable. I laugh and enjoy many things, but it just seems there is some kind of emptiness within. Something is missing and I can't even put a finger on it.

Maybe I'm expecting too much out of life? Maybe this is all there is? Is this really the best it gets? I have to hope that it isn't. I'm not willing to settle for this life I'm living. I demand more.

I know, I make my own happiness. I have to get up and out there and be active in doing what is best for me. I'll figure it out. I'm simply pondering, wondering and guessing. It will hit me like a brick wall sooner or later.

I'll wake up one morning and a brilliant light will be shining. I'll have all the answers. Until then I'll fumble my way around in the dark. Maybe I should put on a glow stick necklace.

Morning Time

It's a peaceful beginning to my day. Everything around me is quiet except for the odd house noise or the random bark of the neighbor's dog. I enjoy this time of the day. I feel like I'm in control and yet shielded from the rest of the world. I realize there are others just like me, up and getting their morning started so early. But not here with me. My little cul-de-sac isn't alive yet so I feel like the world is mine. No one can touch me. No one can even come close. So, I enjoy it while I can. It is a contented lonely feeling. I know what is ahead of me, but right at this moment in time I don't have to face it. I am sheltered in the time between sleep and work, between reality and fantasy. This is all my time and I can do with it whatever I want.