SA - TUR - DAY

Remember the Bay City Rollers? "Gonna keep on dancing to the rock n roll..."
Well, that isn't going to be MY Saturday night. More like "Work all day, sleep all night..." I lead such a thrilling life. If it wasn't for work there would be no life at all.

Work has been consuming me and I think I need to make an adjustment if possible. I have been working anywhere from 50 to 66 hours a week. I'm too delicate for that. ;) I want to be barefoot and naked in the kitchen trying to get pregnant (and no, I can't get pregnant, don't want to... just a saying.) I want to romp on the beach and dig my toes in the sand or take a walk through a creek deep in the mountains. There are so many other things to do besides work, but alas it pays the bills and I do enjoy aspects of it.

Like right now, the moment in time when I'm ready for work but not dressed, sitting on my bed relaxing and enjoying the quiet of the morning. Or the customer that is taken back by my smile and he smiles in return, offering a kind word. Or the laughter I get when the burly men in the yard pretend to let me be the boss! It's all the simple pleasures in life.

Better take the time to enjoy them.

I went to visit my aunt today for her birthday party. She will be 69 tomorrow. When I walked in the door, I saw her before she saw me. In that brief second I felt an overwhelming sadness. She sat there in her chair looking a little tired and she only had a few tufts of hair. All of her beautiful red hair from years gone by was gone and replaced by a patch of grey here and another very thing one there.

Then she saw me and her beautiful face lit up with a smile that could light up a city. She never ceases to amaze me. As I posted previously, she's had a rough life, but my gosh she continues to smile and laugh as best she can.

The strokes, the cancer, the chemo and life in general have taken their toll on such a kind woman. It's often difficult to understand how things work, why some people and not others.

Throughout the day kids and grandkids, family and friends popped in and out bringing memories, gifts, food and hugs. Her birthday cake was pink with bright daffodils on it and a very childlike demeanor revealed itself. She was simply in awe.

At one point she called me into her room and showed me various things. She finds pleasure in the smallest and most simple things. We laughed a bit before she said that sometimes she really does want to scream and curse. I told her to feel free, just do it and let it out. She said, "I could, you know.. I could. But I won't." And that moment of anger was soon gone and she lifted her head, smiled and went on like her world was a dream and she the princess.

She showed us her hats and her favorite is a black, what I call "diva" hat with rhinestones on it. When she tried it on and did a little modeling, she actually shimmied in a dance a bit before her body reminded her those things were no longer possible.

Cancer is evil, but I'm so very happy to see that she refuses to let the evil take total control. I'm even more happy I took the time to visit. Wonderful people like her deserve the good bits of happiness they can get.

YAY for Friday

I am excited, thrilled and happy today is Friday. It has been a long week and I'm ready for the weekend and nothing. It is difficult for me to sit still at times, but I am going to relax this weekend. Come rain or shine, I am going to get take out, rent a movie or two, read a few chapters and seriously pamper myself.

My day yesterday was tough in a few ways, very nice in a few other ways, and I made it through. Bleeding and a low grade fever last night had me a little nervous, but this morning I woke feeling much better. I suppose I really should have listened when the doctor told me it could take three to four weeks before I'm completely healed and better. He knows his stuff apparently.

The weather is getting nicer and I'm ready for summer in hopes to escape a few weekends here and there. I'd love to be able to take a long vacation to the beach, preferably some isolated beach with white sand and clear blue waters. It is hard to believe we are on the way to seeing the end of March already. Time flies.

That's about all I'm feeling today. Have a good one....

Bad start to an otherwise good day. Sounds funny, huh? Toilet was filled with bright red blood this morning. That isn't suppose to be happening. Some spotting is expected, but otherwise there shouldn't be any. I have a call into the doctor.

I realize I share an awful lot and appreciate those that comment. It helps my mind stay in a good place. I can write about things, add in a little humor and n the end it makes everything appear less tragic or scary. Yes, I do scare easily.

I didn't sleep very well last night. A lot of tossing and turning, some sweating and silly dreams. I believe I am going to try to go today without taking any pain medicine. Don't know if it's going to happen, but that is my intention right this second.

I haven't been doing much and I feel quite useless. I do realize rest is important and that lifting is a definite no-no. I just feel like I should be more productive. Lounging around is strange for me for the most part. I'm not above relaxing, but I tend to hop up and down a lot as well.

On a good note, today is going to be a beautiful day, no rain in the forecast (oh, please don't have let it change again) and tomorrow I'm having dinner with a good friend, will see my kids the weekend and am going to the library. I love the library. The atmosphere, the smell of books, the feel of the books are all things that give me a peaceful feeling. Bookstores do the same thing, although I prefer the crammed packed used bookstores over the modern day version.

So anyway, that's my morning so far summed up in a few paragraphs of words on a screen. I hope that your morning has started and you're smiling with some kind of warmth in your heart and a glow on your cheeks.

Update on Me

I am home from the hospital tonight and now find myself unable to sleep because I'm a little high on medicine and I'm also half waiting and expecting a nurse to come wake me up every hour to check my vitals.

I have had a rough time of it lately. Last Thursday found me bleeding rectally so much that a clean up crew had to be called in and I'm vomiting and passing out. A trip to the hospital left me with gall stones, diverticulitis, the reminder of spots on my lung, uterine fibroids and a nervous state of mind.

The very next day I saw the radiologist and GI doctors. I had a colonoscopy on Tuesday and saw the pulminary doctor on Wednesday. They removed a few polyps and sent them off to the lab. The lung doctor confirmed a bad thing in that the spots are not calcified, but a good thing they have smooth edges. I have to have another scan done in a month to confirm whether they are active or inactive. Overall I was feeling a little better until Thursday when I started having more rectal bleeding and severe pain.

I was sent to the ER Thursday night and the ER doctor attempted to work on my bottom. He was trying to cut open a hemorrhoid. He numbed the area and then started working on it. He shot it with a very thin needle three times and good lord, I thought I was going to pass out. I was shaking and bit my hand so hard to just try not to move. Fortunately he realized it wasn't going to work and stopped after about 5 minutes.

From there I was admitted and scheduled for surgery early Friday morning. I was hurting severely, but immediately was given pain medicine. The surgeon was an hour late due to the surgery he had before. Finally it happened, though. The deeply rooted, very thick bulging hemorrhoid and blood clot were taken care of. Before you know it I was back in my room and higher than a kite on a windy day.

Apparently I sent quite a few text messages during this time. I do remember taking pictures of myself and the hospital room, but don't really recall the text messages. I was enlightened later, though. Some funny stuff. Maybe. I don't think I should quit my day job, but pain medicine can really knock me for a loop.
Thanks to those that received my pictures and texts with humor and understanding.

I finally came home this evening and have been resting as much as possible. Can't go back to work right away and on strick orders for no strenuous activity and no lifting for several weeks. I can handle that.

I'm hoping that I'm on the mend medically. My body has been poked and prodded so much that I have lost my dignity and have become totally shameless in just putting it out there.

I hate needles and can count 10 needle spots on my arms, along with a few bruises, and I'm just not happy about it. I'm anxious to get the polyp results on Wednesday and the next scan for the spots on my lungs. Once that is over, I will be able to relax a bit.

The gall stone issue isn't a real issue right now unless I have upper stomach pain. The diverticulitis is just a matter of some antibiotics and diet changes. I can handle that. It doesn't involve needles.

Right now my bottom is so sore that it is radiating across my ass cheeks and up through my rectum and pelvis area. I can barely walk and it is with a weird limp.

I'm in good spirits. I had great visits from great people as well as a lot of texting to keep me company. I appreciate it and you.

I did have an awkward moment when the nurse taking care of me before my surgery turned out to be one of my son's friends that he went to school with and played ball with. A little weird having him see me and touch me. He seemed fine with it. Then on my last day my CNA was one of my daughter's friends. Thanks hospital stay for making me feel old.

All in all, a marvelous weekend.