I have an aunt that lives in a small town.  It's probably still the old fashioned, close-minded town that it has always been.  One summer I spent some time with my aunt there. During my visit I spent most of my time at the local swimming pool, hiding out in the library or with my aunt in her kitchen.  She was an amazing cook and I would go help her make bread.  I can still picture the two of us in her kitchen.

This aunt was the most kind hearted lady I've ever known.  She'd never hurt a flea.  From the time I can  remember she has had a hard, difficult and trying life.  They were always poor and also lived fairly dirty.  I was always uncomfortable when we went to her house because of the filth.  We (my parents and siblings) would find a place to sit and stay there until we left, or the kids would all be outside.  During this specific summer for some reason I'm unclear of, her home was not the normal filth.  I'm sure it wasn't clean by my standards today or most people's, but it was better and this enabled me to enjoy the bread making and time with her.

Over the years nothing changed.  My aunt and her family remained poor and mostly dirty.  She had four
kids, my cousins.  Three boys and a girl who fell in as the third child.  As life passed and we grew older it was obvious the oldest boy and youngest boy were going to be a handful.  The handful soon changed into trouble.  They were always doing something.  Sometimes it was just boyhood misbehaving and other times it was more serious illegal stuff.

About ten years ago my aunt lost her second son in an accident.  He had made a decent life for himself,
joined the military and was living a good life.  The motorcycle accident was very bad and his funeral was a closed casket.  I cannot imagine the feeling of losing a child.  My aunt was living this.

Sadly and tragically, seven months later she lost her daughter and unborn grandchild to a drunk driver.  Once again, I couldn't imagine this loss.  Being a mother, I'm really unsure how she remained so sane through this.

For such tragedy to happen to her in such a short amount of time was unbelievable.  But she continued on.  She had two other children to love and help guide.  The two other children were soon to prove quite a burden on her and my uncle.  Throughout several years these two boys were in and out of jail, stole from their parents and generally put them through terrible times.

Unfortunately my aunt devoted herself to these two boys.  Perhaps it was craziness or simple a mother's
love or in her specific, a need to protect what she had left after having experienced such loss.  Always trying and protecting, making excuses for her two remaining sons, a couple years later left her almost speechless, limping and crippled in her right arm and hand from two strokes.  So many people would give up and become depressed, bitter and blaming the world at this point. But my aunt did not.  She always had a smile when you saw her.  Maybe somewhere inside she was hurting and perhaps bitter and blaming, but if so, it would be a surprise.  We never saw a glimpse of it.

After her strokes, she lost her husband to cancer.  Now here was this beautiful sweet lady left in the world with two sons to care for her.  They abused her, left her hungry and cold a times, stole from her, didn't take care of her properly.  My mom and my aunt tried to take her in and then tried to get her set up in a small apartment in an assisted living complex.  No amount of trying would convince her.  Her "boys" needed her and she wasn't leaving them.  As the years passed, her boys were in and out of jail and gave her 6 grandkids that were left in her care half the time.

To me it seemed like such a hard life.  Burden after burden put upon her and yet she was steadfast loyal
and loving to her family and never got down.

My aunt went to the doctor last Monday for a cold and was given medicine.  This medicine didn't help and
a few days later she was admitted to the hospital for pneumonia.  This might be the most lucky thing for
her in years. Time will tell. While in the hospital they took routine x-rays and found a huge mass on her lung and after further examination found another mass on her liver.  Right now they are leaning towards 90% cancerous.  She has doctor appointments this week and next.

My mom, my sister and I went to visit her on Saturday.  We walked in the door to find this grey haired lady looking a little worse for wear.  But when she realized it was us, her entire face lit up and she started crying and smiling from ear to ear.  She repeated over and over how happy she was to see us and how she had missed us.

At some point everyone went into the bedroom to talk to my cousin about his mom's condition.  I stayed
with her at the kitchen table.  It was wonderful.  We laughed and cried.  She was sad for a bit when she
spoke of her lost children, mentioning how it is so hard and she never forgets.  But she quickly moved
past it and spoke of her desire to get her hair cut and washed.  I teased her telling her we will find her a hot handsome male nurse to take care of her.  She looked confused for a moment, then her face lit up and she tossed her hand up in the air, stating "To hell with it, if he's be okay with it then so would she."  And then she just laughed.  She told me how much she loved her coffee.  The things she spoke of were simple and yet obviously joyous things to her.

Our visit lasted a while longer.  There was a lot of laughter and some tears.  My aunt was unable to attend my dad's funeral and she loved him so much.  She apologized over and over for that.  We spoke of old memories.  It was a great visit.  She'd get frustrated when she couldn't get out exactly what she wanted to say.  Her face would contort and you could tell she was trying so hard.  She always figured it out and communication was not an issue.

We promised her we'd come back and soon.

I don't know what lord or god she believes in.  I don't know what faith or spirituality she thinks of.  But I sincerely hope that everyone that comes in contact with her throughout her illness and the rest of her days remember that she is such a lovely woman and that they all take the best care of her possible.  I learned something from her that day.  Our live is what we make it.  We all come across our own trials and tribulations, but it is how we react and respond and move forward that defines us.  We can choose the path of self-pity and depression or we can take something good out of it all and smile, moving on with as positive attitude as we can.  Sometimes we get what we asked for, good or bad, and other times everything is out of our control.  But our internal happiness, the fondness for good times and joy for life, are things we can control.

My short version story here of her life is very limited and small telling in the big scheme of what her life really was.  For every huge tragedy she experienced there were a thousand small ones she conquered every day of her life.

I felt her smiles and happiness.  I felt her loss and sorrow.  I sat there and remembered life with her and was amazed at her strength and will.  As I walked out the door, I felt love and compassion. I am going back to see her again this week. If she hasn't gotten that haircut yet, I'm going to take her.  I realized sitting there at that kitchen table that we're all growing older and we need to appreciate, value and take the time to see the people we love.

We all have some power and it is time we start exercising it.  At least, I know it is for me.