Last week my aunt was told she had just two months to live. Then a few days later she was told that the lung cancer was simply taking over and she probably has even less time.
I decided to take my mom to visit yesterday. We stopped by her other sister's house so she could come along. During our visit, everyone cried and talked a little about memories. My aunt's voice is barely audible and quite hoarse. It's obvious how much pain she is in and she can hardly move. She had an accident while there and felt so embarrassed.
The sadness I felt yesterday while visiting my aunt was a bit different. I don't want to lose my aunt, but it wasn't as selfish of a feeling as what I felt when my dad was ill and at his passing. I felt her pain and the terrible life she has lived. It was rushing all around us in that room. I was angry that her kids let her get to that point and didn't try to make things good for her. Not that they are God and certainly not that they can make the cancer disappear. But they could be good children in her last days. It's frustrating.
Her two remaining sons have been nothing but a drain on her. Even during this time, one of her sons took her pain medicine and sold it. Idiots that should be in jail. Through it all though, she loves them both. I guess she figures at this point let it all go and love.
She told her sisters how much she misses them when they are away. She held their hands. She dozed in and out of a sleepy state most of the time. Just in the time we were there, she took numerous medicines, breathing treatments and oxygen. When asked if she was hungry, she shook her head no. But when they asked her if she wanted her favorite food, a Taco Bell meximelt, she whispered, "just one" and ate it all when they brought it back.
She didn't act upset or angry or mad. I didn't get the sense that she regretted anything in her life. I could see a little sadness in her eyes. But as sick as she is, when she smiled the room still lit up. This woman who gave and gave and took on so much from everyone, and is dying from the horrible disease of lung cancer... she smiled.
It was awesome. Goodness knows, we can all take a lesson from her.
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