As we get older we tend to learn more about who we are and what it is we want. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am and I'm finally proud to be the woman I am. I'm not perfect, but I'm perfectly flawed. I believe I'm a good communicator with an open mind and understanding of relationships and how they work. At least, how I believe a good one works.

I chatted a while today on the telephone with an old friend. Our friendship is falling apart and as each year passes I notice that I dislike her more and more. I try hard not to judge her, but the way she handles herself and marriage is something I don't want to be a part of. I realized this when she started using me as an alibi while visiting her lovers. Fortunately I have never been called out on it. I told her the last time to do what she wants, but I can't lie if I'm ever asked.

I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Admittedly I am a romantic at heart. Love stories, fairy tales and such are a nice thought. I know that life isn't always perfect like that. But I do believe a relationship that is strong, stable and filled with love can be had.

I remember being at a small shopping strip recently and found myself watching this older couple. I'm guessing their age was around middle seventies. There they were window shopping and holding hands when they drifted apart, admiring different ends of the window. Suddenly they realized this, look at one another and smiled before coming back together to hold hands.

Then I thought of my parents. They were married 49 years before my father passed. No relationship goes without problems and I know that they had their own. But I cannot really fathom being with someone that long, having that much trust and love. It exists, obviously.

Maybe I'm a fool for wanting something like that. I want to hold hands and love and trust and have little secrets. I want to be able to ramble and talk for hours or sit quietly and do nothing at all. I want to fall asleep each night together and wake with the warm sun.

Love is all around us and I feel that so many people let it go so easily without a fight or else ruin it with lies and deceit. I may make mistakes, but in it I'm always open and honest. Lying and being deceitful are things I cannot do or tolerate.

Of course, my past dictates this. I have had a really bad relationship. One filled with abuse and anger and hurt. I have had a mediocre relationship that was just enough to get by on. And I have had a tiny glimpse of a really good relationship.

I'm at a point in my life where I want to find that really good relationship and develop it into something wonderfully blissful. I'm not a very demanding or needy person. It doesn't take a lot to please me. I find amazing pleasure in the tiniest of things. I do, however, want someone to share all those things with.