bawk-bawk, bok-bok, chicken little

I realized that I am a big scaredy cat. A huge chicken. A person who is afraid of the things that go bump in the night.


I remember when I was young and when my own children were young - I was brave! I wasn't afraid of things. I'd venture out into the dark. I'd watch scary movies. I'd try new things. And goodness help anyone that would come near my children. I turned into super woman instantly.

But now, I'm older. My kids are on their own. And I'm a chicken. I need protection. That doesn't just stem from my submissive nature either, although I'm sure it feeds it.

I hear noises and I just know that there is some one or some thing out there, just waiting to pounce. Of course, as of today I have not been pounced. Yet my fear still exists.

I can't watch a scary or intense movie by myself. I never make it to the end and you can bet all doors are double and tripled checked, as well as all other means of entry.

Recently I have been going to work with my son. Part of his company handles foreclosures and this means he is the first person to venture into a house after the foreclosure, making initial lock changes and inspecting the property. When he is extremely busy, I tag along in the evenings. One, he is intelligent enough to know to not go to an initial on his own and two, we make good company for each other.

Anyway, a few have been during the evening hours when things are settling down and getting dark. I just know that the home owner is lurking inside somewhere, angry and ready to beat someone. I just know that the house down the long, I mean really long lane, nestled in the woods is absolutely haunted. I know this because I hear the noises and see the shadows. Again, to date, I have not been beaten or had any adventures with a ghost. But... I am on edge.

You know the furnace that kicks on is someone trying to get in the back door. And don't tell me that the not quite closed screen door has never left you wondering if the burglar is right there, ready to burglarize. I don't get up and check. Goodness, I'm too scared. Plus, he (and I know it's always an evil man, even when it's a ghost. I never imagine it to be otherwise) is going to have to work really hard at getting me. I'm not going to him. So, noises, ghosts, murderers, burglars and what-not.... I stay in my corner, phone nearby, and eventually drift off to sleep. These happenings only occur at night.

I'm not sure why I have become this way. I didn't used to be. It bothers me to some degree that I am that paranoid and now that it is daylight, I can laugh and find humor in it.